by Brenda on April 30, 2007
Last time I mentioned how important I think it is for parents to teach their ADD/ADHD children to stand up for their rights, especially when it comes to Attention Deficit Disorder.
I think most parents, whether they have kids with ADD or not, have experienced times when they’ve had to step in and make sure that their child was being treated fairly. Sometimes it’s another child who’s being unfair, but it could just as easily be a coach, a parent, a teacher, or even a family member.
Being treated unfairly is one of those universal experiences that we all have at one time or another. As parents, we want to do for our kids what our parents did for us: prepare them for next time, so that they don’t end up being a victim again. This makes sense when we think about the playground bully taking everyone’s lunch money, but did it ever occur to you that you also need to prepare your child to stand up for himself in the classroom?
Here’s something you need to understand: many of the professionals that you deal with in an effort to help your child may not be as knowledgable about ADD as you assume. I found this out the hard way (see “About Me” for more). Professionals such as psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, pediatricians, and teachers may know the basics about ADD, but they are far less informed when it comes to specifics or real life application unless they have chosen to specialize in the subject, or have firsthand knowledge. You also need to realize that teachers, even the best ones, have an entire classroom to manage. You can’t, and shouldn’t, count on them completely to see that your child’s educational needs are met.
by Brenda on April 30, 2007
Well, maybe “abandonment“ is too strong a word. Maybe “disengagement” is better, or “detachment“. What I’m trying to say is, have you stopped being involved in your ADD kid’s school life?
It’s OK to admit it. I’ve been guilty of it myself. We (as parents of ADD/ADHD kids) have probably all have done it at one point or another (unless you happen to know a saint with an ADD kid). Raising a child with Attention Deficit Disorder or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder can be exhausting, disheartening, and discouraging, particularly when it comes to school and grades.
As your child gets older, you naturally want them to learn to do more things for themselves. It’s an important part of the parenting process, teaching kids to stand on their own. And certainly, by the time your child is in 4th or 5th grade, they should be taking some responsibility for themselves - remembering their assignments, handing them in on time, keeping track of their things. And maybe, in order for them to learn these things, you need to pull back a little – stop doing so much for them. I’ve had more than one teacher tell me that very thing.
by Brenda on April 25, 2007
Did you ever see that commercial – I don’t remember what it was for – but in it, this mom has a heavy metal band in her son’s room, and she gets them to start playing to wake the kid up? That commercial always cracked me up because I could totally relate – getting my son out of bed in the morning and off to school on time was next to impossible!
After too many times of trying to get 3 ADD kids out the door in a timely manner, I eventually came up with some solutions. Here they are:
• Get ready the night before. That means backpacks are ready to go and by the door, homework safely inside. Coats, etc. are also by the door. Lunches are packed, clothes are laid out – no changes allowed – you wear what you picked out the night before. If you’re driving the kids to school, that means you’re ready, too – you know where your car keys are, there is gas in the car, whatever. And if you live in an area that gets winter weather, prepare for that the night before, too, if you need to. (Listen to the weather so if snow is expected, you can get up earlier to shovel, scrape, etc.)
• My son was on meds for a while, so I found it helpful to wake him up about 15-20 minutes before he was supposed to get up just to take them. I always had a nice cold refreshing glass of juice with me. He knew he was only waking up long enough to take the pill (just sitting up in bed), and he enjoyed the juice, so it was never a problem. Getting the meds in him seemed to help him wake up easier when it was time.
• Realize that kids with ADD have trouble making transitions, so you have to give them advance warnings. Expect that you will have to go back to their room more than once to get them up. I always started earlier than my son really needed to get up, and we had an agreed-on time that was absolutely written in stone as to when he had to get up. If I told him what time it was, and it was “that time”, he always got right out of bed because he knew he had to beforehand. In other words, never, never lie about the time, or change the clocks to read differently. They will catch on to that quickly, and you will end up with a greater problem than the one you started with.
• If you’re calling upstairs to make sure they are up, make sure you clarify what “up” means. Does it mean they are awake, or out of bed? If they’re out of bed, are they doing anything? I always asked, specifically – feet on the floor? Pants and shirt on?
• Put analog clocks in their room, the bathroom, and anywhere else they need to be in the morning. An analog clock is the old kind with a face and hands. ADD kids are visually oriented, and this gives them a much clearer idea of time passing than a digital clock does. Make sure they know how to read it! I had to teach my daughter – I don’t remember how old she was, but she was old enough that she should have known how to read one.
• It might help for you to work with your child so they can see how much time they are really taking in the morning. Again, kids with ADD don’t experience time the way people without ADD do – for them, time is very elastic, so they tend to be very bad judges of time spent. Maybe you could make a game out of it – they can guess how long they take, and then use a stopwatch to find out how long it really is. I bet they’ll be surprised.
• Keep some easily portable breakfast items on hand. My daughter (also ADD) spent many mornings eating a Pop Tart on the way to the bus stop. 
• Maintain a sense of humor. Mornings are no time for battles – it sets the tone for the whole day. See if you can find a way to put some fun into the morning routine. My son was a hockey player, and he loves winter. If we had a snowfall during the night (especially in the beginning of the season, when it was more unexpected), I would make a snowball and bring it in and put it in his hand while he was asleep (or on his face!). Sometimes, I would just whisper “snow” in his ear and that would do it.
• Relax a little bit. My youngest daughter had a real issue with socks. She didn’t like sorting them before she put them away, so finding a matching pair in the morning turned into a real chore. One day she decided not to do it anymore. Wearing mismatching socks became her trademark. She is 20 now, and all of her friends know that she never wears socks that match. It’s her own little idiosyncrasy.
• Talk to your child about morning battles. What is hard for them to do, and do they have suggestions for fixing it? What are you doing that drives them crazy in the morning? It’s OK to tell them what about their behavior makes you crazy, too, as long as both of you are doing it in a calm, loving manner. But you knew that, right?
Well, those are my tips for getting out of the door in the morning – and by the way – they work for big kids, too.
by Brenda on April 23, 2007
ADD/ADHD and school. That just about sums it up, doesn’t it? It seems to me that a huge portion of the anger, frustration, humiliation, and just general bad feelings those of us with ADD (or ADD kids) experience can be tied directly to school and school performance (or lack thereof).
It makes sense, I suppose, when you think of it; much of a kid’s life revolves around school for a very long time, and if school is not such a pleasant experience for you (or your kid), it can seem like it lasts forever. As the mother of 3 kids with Attention Deficit Disorder, I looked forward to snow days and vacation days as much as they did, and parent teacher conferences – that was like getting called to the principal’s office.
What, you might ask, has brought on all this doom and gloom? A simple thing, really, and actually a very nice thing. A good friend of ours called last week to share some good news about her oldest daughter. She is due to graduate from college this year, and has landed a job in Chicago, which is near where I live.
by Brenda on April 17, 2007
I’ve had the privilege over the years to meet a great many people with Attention Deficit Disorder, many of them young people still in school. These kids (they’re kids to me if they are 12 or 21) are often having a hard time with school, and with maintaining any sense of self-worth.
I have a number of things I always tell them. All of it is my own opinion, but I believe that much of it can be supported by scientific fact as well. I’ve seen more than one tough kid wipe away a tear when he thought I wasn’t looking after hearing what I had to say. That tells me more about truth than any study ever could. Here they are:
