ADD Moms

Last time I mentioned how important I think it is for parents to teach their ADD/ADHD children to stand up for their rights, especially when it comes to Attention Deficit Disorder.

I think most parents, whether they have kids with ADD or not, have experienced times when they’ve had to step in and make sure that their child was being treated fairly. Sometimes it’s another child who’s being unfair, but it could just as easily be a coach, a parent, a teacher, or even a family member.

Being treated unfairly is one of those universal experiences that we all have at one time or another. As parents, we want to do for our kids what our parents did for us: prepare them for next time, so that they don’t end up being a victim again. This makes sense when we think about the playground bully taking everyone’s lunch money, but did it ever occur to you that you also need to prepare your child to stand up for himself in the classroom?

Here’s something you need to understand: many of the professionals that you deal with in an effort to help your child may not be as knowledgable about ADD as you assume. I found this out the hard way (see “About Me” for more). Professionals such as psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, pediatricians, and teachers may know the basics about ADD, but they are far less informed when it comes to specifics or real life application unless they have chosen to specialize in the subject, or have firsthand knowledge. You also need to realize that teachers, even the best ones, have an entire classroom to manage. You can’t, and shouldn’t, count on them completely to see that your child’s educational needs are met.

Well, maybe “abandonment“ is too strong a word. Maybe “disengagement” is better, or “detachment“. What I’m trying to say is, have you stopped being involved in your ADD kid’s school life?

It’s OK to admit it. I’ve been guilty of it myself. We (as parents of ADD/ADHD kids) have probably all have done it at one point or another (unless you happen to know a saint with an ADD kid). Raising a child with Attention Deficit Disorder or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder can be exhausting, disheartening, and discouraging, particularly when it comes to school and grades.

As your child gets older, you naturally want them to learn to do more things for themselves. It’s an important part of the parenting process, teaching kids to stand on their own. And certainly, by the time your child is in 4th or 5th grade, they should be taking some responsibility for themselves - remembering their assignments, handing them in on time, keeping track of their things. And maybe, in order for them to learn these things, you need to pull back a little - stop doing so much for them. I’ve had more than one teacher tell me that very thing.

Did you ever see that commercial - I don’t remember what it was for - but in it, this mom has a heavy metal band in her son’s room, and she gets them to start playing to wake the kid up? That commercial always cracked me up because I could totally relate - getting my son out of bed in the morning and off to school on time was next to impossible!

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ADD/ADHD and school. That just about sums it up, doesn’t it? It seems to me that a huge portion of the anger, frustration, humiliation, and just general bad feelings those of us with ADD (or ADD kids) experience can be tied directly to school and school performance (or lack thereof).

It makes sense, I suppose, when you think of it; much of a kid’s life revolves around school for a very long time, and if school is not such a pleasant experience for you (or your kid), it can seem like it lasts forever. As the mother of 3 kids with Attention Deficit Disorder, I looked forward to snow days and vacation days as much as they did, and parent teacher conferences - that was like getting called to the principal’s office.

What, you might ask, has brought on all this doom and gloom? A simple thing, really, and actually a very nice thing. A good friend of ours called last week to share some good news about her oldest daughter. She is due to graduate from college this year, and has landed a job in Chicago, which is near where I live.

I’ve had the privilege over the years to meet a great many people with Attention Deficit Disorder, many of them young people still in school. These kids (they’re kids to me if they are 12 or 21) are often having a hard time with school, and with maintaining any sense of self-worth.

I have a number of things I always tell them. All of it is my own opinion, but I believe that much of it can be supported by scientific fact as well. I’ve seen more than one tough kid wipe away a tear when he thought I wasn’t looking after hearing what I had to say. That tells me more about truth than any study ever could. Here they are: