ADD Moms

Sometimes I seem to have trouble writing a post - I know what I want to say, but I can’t seem to say it.  This is one of those times.  I’ve been getting a message, it seems, everwhere I look.  Usually when that happens, I feel as though there is a lesson there for me, but in this case, the message is about something that I aspire to every day - being yourself.

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Last week, Oprah did a show on the link between clutter and weight gain.  Her guest was Peter Walsh, from TLC’s Clean Sweep.  He has written a book called “Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? An Easy Plan for Losing Weight and Living More”.

On the show, they profiled a real family with both weight and clutter issues.  Mr. Walsh spent quite a bit of time with them, helping them clear out their house and teaching them better habits for both weight loss and keeping a clutter free home.

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Like many of you, I belong to a number of groups online that have nothing to do with Attention Deficit Disorder.  Many of them are related to personal interests of mine, like cooking, crafts, and decorating.  I’ve never mentioned the subject of AD/HD to anyone on those boards because it’s not relevant.The other day, though, someone asked for advice in regards to AD/HD, and I felt I had to say something.  I was a little hesitant, though, because I didn’t know how the women on the board would react, both to what I had to say and to the fact that I have ADD.   You see, in the past I’ve sometimes mentioned my AD/HD when it seemed appropriate, and I’m not sure it’s always been a good decision.  I don’t like hiding who I am, but at the same time, I don’t feel that people need to know all the details of my personal life.  I’ve found that people’s perception of my intelligence often drops considerably once they know I have AD/HD.I’ve always told my kids that it’s their decision to tell or not, and that it’s OK to use their AD/HD as an explanation, but not an excuse.  I try to live by the same rule myself, although I admit that the line between explanation and excuse is sometimes very fine.As for the lady on the board, my desire to help her and her child was greater than my fear of what everyone would think. I offered help, she gratefully accepted, and everything was fine. 

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Have you ever had one of those non-stop days when you ran from here to there, busy all day, and yet had nothing to show for it at the end?  I bet you have.  I’ve had way too many of those days myself.A while back I talked about some of the reasons we have those kinds of days: we don’t have any structure to our days, we expect to accomplish too much in a day, and we don’t allow enough time to do what we need.As I said, those are some of the reasons; there are more.  For instance, we don’t know how to plan our days.  What do you have to do today?  What can wait?  What’s urgent?  When we look for a way to help us make these decisions, we often turn things like day planners or to-do lists, which don’t often work.  Here’s why: for the most part, day planners, to-do lists, and other planning methods are created by people who don’t have ADD.  They don’t know how our brain works or what we have trouble with, and so they can’t really begin to address our problems in a manner that’s meaningful for us.To-do lists in particular are overwhelming for us unless they are very short.  There are too many things on the list, with no clear place to begin.  We freeze, afraid of making a move for fear it’s the wrong one.I read something the other day about a system based on David Allen’s Getting Things Done.  I think it’s a wonderful solution for people with ADD.  You can read about the whole system here.

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